


One Foot Wrong

by precious_passenger (orphan_account)



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-10
Updated: 2014-05-10
Packaged: 2018-01-24 05:16:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1592918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/precious_passenger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A place for writing one-shots of Kurt angst that are close to my heart. Rated for mentions of suicide attempt, depression and panic attacks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Something happened today that has shaken me to my very core. I don’t know if writing could help it go away. But, this is a desperate man’s act. So, forgive the mistakes and all.

Rated for mentions of suicide attempt, depression and panic attacks.

It’s a week after Valentine day and Kurt’s more confused about his relationship with Blaine than he ever was. Which was saying something, given the fact that after the breakup there’s been a hell of a ride. First it was the silent treatment era, another one when they decided to have a heart to heart that didn’t happen, and now they were friends. Or at least that’s what Kurt wants to believe. Kurt remembers Blaine and all their Valentine’s each more eventful than the last. He feels himself blush at the memory of the most recent one.

So, his mind is entirely on Blaine when he hears his cell phone ring. The phone almost drops and Kurt’s hands start to shake badly, making the phone rattle when he sees the name.

_Dave Karofsky._

And it’s a miracle Kurt’s knees don’t give out and he doesn’t fall to the floor.

Because in his entire trip down the memory lane, there was one thing his mind failed to remember, possibly because he tried so hard to forget. Well, be careful what you wish for.

He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know who to call. Because today is Dave Karofsky’s suicide attempt’s _anniversary_. Kurt vividly remembers how Dave’s attempt affected him. He was heading to a very dangerous path if he didn’t have his families and friends’ full and complete reassurances that it wasn’t his fault. But it didn’t stop the nightmares, the constant stress, the shaking in his legs each time someone called his phone.

Blaine had been the one getting his phone off his clutched hand each night he slept in. Kurt had confessed that he didn’t want to miss out on any more calls. Didn’t want anyone slip to the darkness because he failed to answer a simple phone call.

Kurt watches as the phone goes silent in his hands and that time he actually does drop it on the floor. The phone lights up, showing a little message.

_“Hello.”_

_“_ Hi Dave, _”_ Kurt texts back, amazed at how his hands kept functioning.

“ _How are you doing?_ ”

“ _I’m good. How about you?_ ”

His question goes unanswered in the next text, which only features a “ _That’s good_. _Bye._ ”

Shaking, rattling was what could comprehend for the next minutes or so. His hands feel so cold but his head feels warm and he’s almost sleepy, even though he’s pretty sure he won’t be able to sleep tonight. Well, not without his pills, that is.

His mind orders him to call Blaine immediately, have him by his side for help. But, Kurt doesn’t want to depend on him, or anybody else again. Not when there was nothing left of him to give back.

He bites down on a finger to keep from sobbing...or screaming, he doesn’t know which. His resolve breaks when he could barely breathe and he’s curled into a ball by his bed.

It takes several long beeps but there’s a groan coming from the line.

“B-Blaine?”

And Kurt starts to cry when he hears the familiar voice.

“Kurt? What’s wrong?”

Kurt can’t sugar coat it. He can’t make small talk or ask about how his day has been.

“ _He_ called.”

Immediately comprehension dawned on Blaine and he shifted to the protective bo…friend mode. Shit, shit. This wasn’t supposed to happen.

“Get on Skype, now!” he more or less ordered. “Don’t hang up the phone,” he adds as an afterthought.

They listen to each other’s breathing as they wait for their laptops to roar back to life. Kurt clicks the phone shut when he sees Blaine’s face on the screen and wants to kick himself. Blaine is in his Dalton pajamas. Blaine had been sleeping. But he doesn’t have time to think it over as a sob bubbles inside him, making it hard to breathe.

“Kurt,” Blaine begs, unsure what to do. “Please don’t cry.”

“I can’t…Make it stop, please. I don’t want to remember.” The weight of the past is pressing down on his chest like a heavy burden.

He could see Blaine was wracking his brain to do something.

“What makes you grounded? What keeps you sane?” he begs, almost close to tears himself.

“You,” it’s barely a breath but Blaine hears it. He hears it and it makes his heart break all over again for having a part in shattering this wonderful boy.

“Okay. Imagine me kissing you. Close your eyes. Imagine that night at Mr. Shue’s wedding.”

“No, not that,” Kurt disagrees immediately, a small frown on his face. It would’ve been adorable if Blaine hadn’t seen the shaking get worse. The laptop shook, making it seem like there was an earthquake going on.

“Okay then. Think about last year. Can you remember it?”

“Yeah. You were a sexy pirate,” Kurt hiccups and another sob escapes. “Everybody loved you and I was so relieved to see you there,” he says remorsefully.

“Imagine the night we had. A normal night, just us. Nothing else. I take your hand and we slow dance to a song that’s not even there. We trip over nothing and we land on your bed. You giggle and start taking my shirt off, but I keep wiggling out of your reach and sneak kisses.”

Tears kept streaming down Kurt’s face but the shaking has stopped. Kurt hasn’t opened his eyes. Something tells Blaine that maybe he doesn’t want to wake up to the harsh reality that was his cheating and the breakup. A trust that was broken, maybe beyond repair.

But, that didn’t matter right now. All that mattered was someone, who was Kurt’s biggest bully, had once weaved back into his life. It didn’t take long to figure out what had happened and why Kurt felt so upset and shaky.

“Then when you manage to get my shirt off, you trail kisses down my chest and up towards my neck.” Blaine said, a lump forming in his throat at the mention of the memory of a easier time. When things were simpler, when they relationship came as naturally as breathing.

Kurt’s breathing was getting heavier as each minute passed. Blaine’s voice lulled him to sleep and soon a soft snore escaped his lips.

Blaine had to call Rachel first thing in the morning, telling her to keep an eye on Kurt for a few days. But for now, he lays the laptop by his side and just this once, he pretends the blanket he’s wrapped around himself is Kurt’s arms snaked around his waist.


	2. Chapter 2

Kurt had been doing nothing but pace around his room for the last half hour. His notebooks were scattered, making it difficult to navigate his way around his room. He'd eaten almost half of his weight in snacks and fruits and nothing edible was left in the pantry except Finn's disgusting Cheetos' packs. Kurt grimaced, but not two minutes passed before he headed to the kitchen again.

It was his first exam at Dalton Academy and he was absolutely freaking out.

Ten minutes later, Kurt came back to his room with a half eaten pack of Cheetos in his hand. He was positively disgusted in himself and his hands were greasy, so he headed again out of his room to wash them. He'd done nothing useful but eat and wash his hands since he got back home.

He had convinced Wes that today he couldn’t attend Warblers' practice because of an emergency and got home early. On his way home he had so many plans of how he could manage his time and by his calculations, he'd be able to even do a revision before sleeping. But, he couldn't have been any more useless than he already was.

Well, that's wrong. He'd be much more useless tomorrow, during the exam their teacher was going to take. He doubted he could do much besides writing his own name and then the rest of the hour he'd stare at the blank page.

Kurt couldn't study. He was too nervous to study. So, for days he'd avoided even looking at his books, putting it off for a better time. But now, this was the last chance.

Time… Time was ticking and there was nothing Kurt could do about it. Nothing except waste it.

The pit in his stomach was getting bigger and bigger and no matter how many breaks Kurt had given himself, it wasn't going to fade away. Quite the opposite, in fact. It was getting worse, as if he was about to throw up at any second.

He sat on his chair and downed a mouthful of coffee. He wasn't going to sleep unless he covered all the material for quiz and he was barely through chapter one.

What would happen if he failed? They couldn’t suspend him, could they? He'd be held back a year and everyone would laugh at him for getting the lowest grade it was humanly possible to get. Well, look at that, they'd finally know that Kurt Hummel was nothing but a failure.

Kurt yearned for something, anything to calm him down. He could call Blaine and ask for help but he was too proud to do that. And Blaine wouldn't understand, he never did understand Kurt's concerns over studying. He'd always been a top student and didn't even get out of his room unless his homework for the day was done.

No, Blaine would only make it worse. Because as soon as he found out that Kurt was stuck in the first chapter, he'd laugh at him and think that he was stupid.

So, he got up with his notebook and lied on the bed, putting his feet up to the wall and trying to force some knowledge into his dumb mind.

He didn't hear the knocks on the door and he was woken up from his numb, almost comatose, stupor with a gentle nudge to his shoulder.

"Carole?" he said, questioningly and wiped the drool from the corner of his mouth.

"Hey sweetie." Her motherly voice was just the opposite of what Kurt felt at that moment. His mind was a chaos and he was in the verge of making up excuses to miss out on the test tomorrow. That included but not limited to leaving the state, dying, catching a cold, more dying and begging the teacher not to fail him. He thought of his dad and wondered if they got their honeymoon money back in case they suspend Kurt? Probably not.

"Are you going to sleep? It's one AM." Carole said, stroking Kurt too disheveled hair and smoothening out the knots that Kurt had made by running his hands too many times through them.

Kurt's stomach dropped at the mention of time. It got too late, too soon. He tried taking long deep breaths to calm himself down. It was a strange feeling. Because the number one cure they suggest you to do once you got dizzy is lie down. So what could you do when you're dizzy and lying in your bed?

"Do you want to change out of your uniform?"

Kurt looked down, almost shocked to see that he still hadn't changed out to his comfortable clothes. His shirt was sweaty and his pants had gotten wrinkled. He'd need to iron them tomorrow before heading to his execution. One more thing to add to his already dwindling supply of time.

"What's wrong, Kurt?" she asked, worry apparent in his voice.

"I'm not feeling too well," Kurt admitted and that was the understatement of the year. He felt as if he was about to die. He got up with some difficulty, wincing at the pain in his neck from the weird angle he'd been napping.

"You could sleep with me tonight," Carole offered, "Burt had decided to go pick up some second hand furniture from his friend down in Columbus and would get back late. It gets kind of lonely and hauntingly familiar in being alone in the double bed," Carole admitted, "it reminds me of the time before I met your dad and after Christopher's death."

"Thanks for the offer, Carole," he said, patting her hand, "I can't sleep. I have to study."

"Don't be too hard on yourself, Kurt," she told him.

She didn't know that all the trouble he got right now was from not being too hard on himself. If he'd been more like Blaine, studying when he was supposed to, he'd be asleep by now.

"I know how you feel like. I used to be so stressed before my exams when I was studying to become a nurse," she smiled sympathetically and hugged Kurt tight to his chest, hitting Kurt with the smell of perfume and freshly baked cookies.

It was four in the morning when Kurt finished the chapters. His head was throbbing and his eyelids were pulsating hot pain. He didn't feel ready, not at all. But, the worrying had been constantly on his mind that he couldn't feel it anymore.

He tiptoed around to his parents' room. He saw that his dad was back and snoring loudly. He remembered all the times as a kid and a teenager he'd snuck in his bed, just to watch him sleep and listen to his breathing. He remembered that when he was just a tiny kid who'd lost his mom, he wouldn't climb in the bed, knowing that somehow that was his mom's place and he couldn't do that, but instead settled on the rug beside it and sleep there. Burt had gotten used to watching over his feet before waking up, after he'd stepped too many times on little Kurt. More than once he'd gotten down too, to sleep beside Kurt on that little rug to ward of his son's many nightmares.

Listening to his father breathe and knowing that he was there would somehow calm him down. His heart tugged painfully. Would his dad love him if he failed this test?

Right now, Kurt decided, he needed a mom. He scooted to Carole's side and was surprised that her arms opened almost instantly. Carole began humming inside his ear and after a few moments of peace, Kurt fell asleep.


End file.
